by Liz Cotton, UK
So you're in the movies? Can I buy you a drink? Well I've got this great idea. I'd love to know what you think. It's one for all of the family; Certificate Unclassified, With a little bit of tasteful sex And violence on the side. The lead is a young girl called Liz Who is kooky and funny, And there's lots of scope for product placement To bring in the money. And there's music and dancing And a star cast. Oh, you've only got five minutes? Oh. Well I can speak really fast... Let me tell you about Liz She always.. Sets the alarm for nine But she gets up at six; Locks herself out of the house Just to get her kicks; She hums folk songs When she only knows the lyrics; Doesn't wear cotton, Likes getting sticky in acrylics. When she's excited she runs down the street; She's sort of a vegan That gobbles up meat. She loves driving cars, Though she's better at walking; She loves melting hearts, Though she's better at stalking. She works behind the counter of an old music shop and has a Starbucks or a Costa when she's ready to drop. She likes to play guitar and dream We see her look up to the skies- And at that very moment a Virgin Airlines plane will fly by. “A songwriter,” she thinks aloud, “Now that's a cool job. I could be the new Bob Dylan, Though I don't like the name Bob - Bob's the name of my uncle, And he's a bit of a knob. Anyway it's still cool job. But what can I write about? Dylan does blues And songs about love And stuff in the news. But I don't have a broken heart or political views, and there's no market for songs that try to amuse.” The next scene is in the bedroom; Liz is having a chat About the future, With Brian, her very cute cat. She says to Brian, “I just wonder what lies ahead.” He says,“I'll tell you, But first I want some Whiskers in bed.” The cat goes on to explain - And you need subtitles here - The shocking truth about our world: The end is near. This bad news inspires Our young chanteuse: She'll write a song to save our world. Brian claps his paws and purrs. “It'll be a Call for change, a call for change, A call to go green. All this pollution All this pollution All this pollution Is obscene. Brian, you take care of social media. Tweet, like, share, And if Mother Earth is not on Facebook Put her there!” And six months later she's on tour - The song's a massive hit. Now we see her signing posters of herself- The pen's a Bic- She writes 'To Bob love Liz' And hands it to the one that's not a dick. Then a drone shot of Glastonbury - Liz is on stage, Clutching lyrics, dressed in acrylics, Which are all the rage. Now don't worry about this the song she sings: Is a direct rip-off. But I promise you no one will sue, Cos I've had a tip-off. Dylan won't complain that it's his song, remixed, Cos I've got some dirt that will hurt: That Nobel Prize was fixed! She sings, “Call for change, call for change, Call to go green. All this pollution All this pollution All this pollution Is obscene. Everyone get on social media; Tweet, like, share. Send Mother Earth this message to show you care:- I ain't looking to overheat you Or mistreat you or concrete you I don't want to deplete you All I really want to do is be friends. And I ain't looking to offshore drill you, Oilspill you, landfill you. I don't want to Kill you. All I really want to do is be friends. All I really want to do is be friends."
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