By J. Hartwell, USA
Lights come up on Matt, wearing a helmet and a shiny space suit. He stares up into the sky as if he were watching fireworks, but they happen to have been the same fireworks for weeks. He clicks on a little tape recorder.
MATT
Earth’s moon. Dayyyy . . . seventy nine.
(Beat)
Had a walk. Had a long walk today when I got up. Did that for a while.
(Sniffs)
Played some tic-tac- toe in the moon dust . . . with myself. I won. So that was pretty cool.
(Beat)
Took a nap.
(Beat)
They say, I don’t know, they used to say that . . . when you sleep a lot, you’re probably . . . I don’t know . . . I don’t think I suffer from depression. I mean, although, it’s not like I don’t have a pretty good . . . you know?
(Pause)
There’s . . . still no dimming to the glow of all the Earth’s fires. Almost burns my eyes to watch it, but what else am I gonna do? I don’t know, it’s kinda pretty as long as you don’t think about . . . I know they say you should live with the hand you’re dealt, or whatever, but come on! I was remembering . . . just this morning, among many, many other things, the Great Pyramids. And peaches, especially peaches. But why were the Great Pyramids the great ones? I mean, what was so mediocre about all of the other pyramids built by other countries? They probably thought, at the time, that theirs were pretty great. Having never seen “the great ones” in Egypt. Yeah, but mostly peaches. I’d take a big fat juicy peach over a pyramid right now.
A gentle and elegant, essentially humanoid Being with a greenish hue has entered.
MATT
It’s true, I never actually saw any of those pyramids, from any civilization, up close. But I don’t care. I want a fucking peach—
BEING
Pardon me.
MATT
All fuzzy and swollen.
BEING
Pardon me?
MATT
Whistling behind its quivering little fruit flesh.
BEING
Hello. Um, hi. I don’t mean to interrupt your flow.
MATT
No. No, it’s OK.
I didn’t even hear you coming. I . . . I thought I was all alone here.
BEING
(Chuckling)
Oh, you are. Except for me, I mean.
MATT
How long were you standing there?
BEING
I just got here. I wasn’t eavesdropping–
MATT
No, I didn’t mean to imply that you were–
BEING
I wasn’t.
MATT
I didn’t think so. And why would I care even if you were, right? Are there others?
BEING
Like me, you mean? No, just me.
MATT
Oh.
BEING
Down here. There are plenty of others like me up—
MATT
On your home planet.
BEING
No. Well, yeah, but also in our—
MATT
Mother ship?
BEING
Mmmm…right. If that’s what you want to call it.
MATT
That’s rad.
(Beat)
BEING
So. Your own . . . little moon, here, huh?
MATT
Yes. Yep, looks that way.
BEING
You seemed to have settled in OK.
MATT
Well, I have a lot of time on my hands. I mean, I got here. And what the hell? No American flag. No golf balls. No nothing. I knew that shit was done on a Hollywood film set.
BEING
Well, can you blame them?
MATT
I don’t know.
BEING
Given the way your world was at that time?
MATT
I guess. Hey, thanks for coming.
BEING
(Looking up at Earth)
It’s actually quite beautiful.
MATT
Yeah. Yeah, at first.
BEING
Not as beautiful as it used to be.
MATT
I didn’t know fire came in so many colors.
BEING
Oh, it does, believe me. That’s nothing.
(Beat)
How did you do it? How did you let it happen?
MATT
None of the” important” people thought it would really happen.
BEING
Important people?
MATT
Nobody who had enough power or money to get everyone else to do something about it ever actually did anything. I tried, but I’m not important.
BEING
That’s ridiculous. What a bunch of greedy little . . . If you’re not killing someone, eating someone, or fucking someone, you’re not happy.
MATT
I’m not killing or fucking anything over here.
BEING
And are you happy?
MATT
I’m bored out of my mind. And lonely, but given the opportunity, I wouldn’t need to . . . and I certainly wouldn’t kill anyone. It all comes down to us being one of the dumb ones, I guess. We just weren’t as advanced as you.
BEING
Actually, as beings . . . we’re not all that much more intelligent than you. In fact, some of us are quite plain and simple.
MATT
But you do have that oversized cranium.
BEING
Thank you.
MATT
No, I assumed that was a characteristic of your advanced intelligence.
BEING
I have a big head.
MATT
Oh, but isn’t that an indication of—
BEING
No, it isn’t. In fact, I’ve spent my whole life being picked on, because . . . Let’s talk about something else.
MATT
Sorry. Hey, I wish I had something to offer you.
BEING
It’s OK. I won’t be here much longer. We have so much more to see, to learn.
MATT
I just wish I could show you my appreciation. I have Tang. Seventy-nine days probably seems like nothing to you, but it feels like it’s been seventy-nine years up here. I mean, I’m kind of a social butterfly by design. And I’ve done what I can to keep a positive attitude, but . . . I mean after a while it, it, it does start to get to you. I’m not gonna lie.
BEING
I was surprised to see you holding it together so well.
MATT
I know, right?
BEING
Would you care for a game of tic-tac-toe?
MATT
No, I’m about tic-tac-toed out. I’d be more than jazzed to just gather up my stuff, and “piewww!” head on out, you know?
Beat
BEING
Ummmmm.
MATT
What?
BEING
Wow. This is awkward.
MATT
What do you mean, what’s awkward?
BEING
We, um. We, I mean they and I . . . um.
MATT
What?
BEING
We don’t want you.
MATT
You don’t want me? Then, then, then what are you doing here?
BEING
You’re a bad influence.
MATT
No I’m not. I’m pleasant. I’m fun at parties. I give good neck rubs.
BEING
It’s not personal. We just can’t trust you.
MATT
Look, I know we fucked up. I know we must look like total crap to an outside eye. But there was some nobility in between all the genocide and rape. We danced and laughed. Did art, painted and sculpted.
BEING
Every inhabitable planet has art.
MATT
Are you telling me that we were the only ones who killed each other on a regular basis?
BEING
Of course not. Billions of others kill like you did, but . . . we wouldn’t have those come join us, either.
MATT
Aw, man! What the hell was the purpose then? Coming down here to say hello, you get my hopes up. Give me another taste of what it’s like to have an actual conversation, and then you slap me in the back and zoom back up to your cushy, peaceful digs without me?
BEING
Well . . .
MATT
That’s worse than cruel, buddy.
BEING
That isn’t quite why they sent me here.
MATT
What are you talking about? Why did they?
BEING
Ahem.
MATT
Oh my god. They sent you here to . . .
BEING
I know.
MATT
How could you? After all that talk about how violent we are?
BEING
Well I’m not gonna do it, am I? Not now that I know you as an individual.
MATT
Just take me with you.
BEING
Not gonna happen.
MATT
I could be the perfect example of what not to be like.
BEING
(Pointing to the Earth)
Look at what you all’ve done! You know how many other races have annihilated their home planet?
MATT
Half a dozen?
BEING
None. You’re the first.
MATT
But after me there’s nobody. Nada. Not . . . not even a memory.
BEING
I mean, yeah, but . . .
MATT
No, there’s no but.
BEING
//Maybe the universe is better off without you?
MATT
Hmm.
BEING
I don’t mean you. I mean you. You as a—
MATT
I know what you mean! Let’s talk about something else.
BEING
I have to get going. Hey, there are billions of others out there, alright? I’ll put in a decent word for you, and maybe someone will . . . I don’t know.
MATT
Before you go, I have a weird request.
BEING
Yeah?
MATT
Will you . . . hold my hand?
BEING
That is a weird request.
MATT
Come on, I don’t have cooties. I haven’t touched anyone for two and a half months. And obviously never will again.
Matt reaches out his hand. Being reaches his out. Gets almost close enough to touch, and then retracts it.
BEING
I actually really have to go.
MATT
Not right this second . . .
BEING
There’s nothing left to say.
MATT
One game of tic-tac-toe?
BEING
No. I am sorry.
Matt sinks to his knees. Silently weeping.
BEING
Hey. Hey, come on? It’s not the end of the . . .
(He looks up at the glowing Earth.)
So long. Earth Boy.
Being leaves. Matt sits on the ground by himself, pulls out his recorder.
MATT
Earth’s moon.
(His voice has lost any trace of hope.)
Still day seventy-nine . . .
Lights fade.
For enquiries about performing this work, please contact the author at jbhartwell@aol.com
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